Lighthouse Keeper

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me 
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Hillsong United

I spent five years at Hillsong City in Sydney,  at the peak of Taya’s beautiful “Oceans”. 

I’ve worshipped and experienced it live with Taya, I’ve blasted it on my Spotify, and sung it in other churches back in New Zealand; even a dreadful Irish Mumford version that would make your ears bleed.  Oceans carried me through some of the most difficult seasons of my life and I’m super grateful for such a beautiful piece of Worship. 

Oceans was the jewel in the Hillsong Creative crown around 2013. It catapulted the humble and brilliant Taya on to the world stage and has been viewed 69 million times on YouTube. It used to be a joke at Hillsong City that if someone was going through a hard time we would say “uh oh, must have been singing Oceans too hard out”. 

That’s because of the haunting image in the bridge of Peter being called on to the water to “trust is without borders /walk upon the waters” with Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33).  It’s a wonderful and very biblically sound expression- but I don’t want to sing it anymore. 

I’ve been to the Oceans. I’ve experienced the storms and the wilderness and the Book of Job and yes, I am familiar with suffering (Isaiah 53). And after years of wailing out my surrender to the movement of the Holy Spirit, He is trying to teach me to trust him- this time with my feet firmly planted on the shore. 

You see us humans can get addicted to struggle and survival mode and fighting the enemy and taking ground for the Kingdom so much that we forget about the Sabbath and the rest (Hebrews 4:9-11) and the calm and the hedge of protection (Job 1) and the safety and the hundreds of other promises in the Bible that we can experience and enjoy in this present age. 

The Lord is telling me you are safe, you are home, you are loved, you are protected, you are provided for, and I must admit, I’m finding it very difficult to receive this comfort after so many years of “the struggle is real”. Strive-mode is exhausting. Building on the rock is exhausting. Can I really trust Jesus to give me the rest of Matthew 11? 

Now I know what you’re going to say. There’s a war in the Middle East and life is always going to have its ups and downs and here comes the mega-church toxic positivity. The still small voice is telling me to turn my swords into ploughshares, to burn my plow and oxen of self-reliance (1 Kings 19:21), and walk humbly with the Lord everyday (Micah 6:8). No more going to sea, no more training for war (Isaiah 2:3, Micah 4:3), and no more Oceans. It’s such spectacular grace I can barely receive it and my hyper-vigilance keeps looking for a trap. Jesus says trust me. So I will forever be grateful to Hillsong Creative and that unique time in history I had with the song but no more. I’m staying on land in my lighthouse.