Lighthouse Keeper

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20)

Going “no contact”. Cutting off people who don’t make you feel “emotionally safe”. Blame your parents. Blame your ex.  It all sounds very healthy and while I’m not condoning abuse, I think the current Tik Tok trend to obliterate people who don’t “meet my needs” is very self absorbed and toxic in itself. We have a loneliness epidemic and continually cutting people off who don’t go along with everything you ask and imagine is a surefire way to end up isolated. 

We all have issues from our past and family/work/life contexts and Lord knows I have a long list of grievances should I choose to wallow in that. But I’m determined not to be a victim–mainly because it’s super disempowering and also because it makes the assumption that God somehow got my life wrong. 

He is the author and perfecter of my faith, and life (Hebrews 12:2).  Keeping the pen in His hand and trying not to wrestle it off Him is a constant battle for me. I want to throw that person under the bus and get revenge and snub them at the supermarket. I want them to feel the pain they caused me or “trauma” as everyone on Tik Tok calls it.

I really don’t think that Joseph in the book of Genesis would have chosen the horrific plot twists and dark nights of the soul that are part of his story. 

Betrayed and sold by his brothers, accused of sexual assault by his boss’s wife, left to flounder in prison. We can look back at our lives and think “God… why did you let those things happen to me?” 

It’s too easy to watch a Tik Tok influencer and think: “That’s it..I’ll go no contact with that person who hurt me. This will make the pain go away”. But it won’t. Seemingly old fashioned and dare I say Biblical concepts like compromise, mediation, patience, kindness, turning the other cheek and the biggie…forgiveness, don’t seem to feature on the 20 second videos. And I really think you’re trading off short term relief for long-term anguish. Joseph wept for his family (Genesis 43:30). He felt the emotional pain but he refused to take his eyes off God and his faithfulness and belief in the goodness of God gave him a heart to see the big picture. “The saving of many lives”. 

I see people going on about “protecting the peace” when in reality they just don’t have the emotional maturity to navigate conflict. See things from another perspective. Apologise. Look at the speck in your own eye. Forgive. There is enough war and conflict in the world– your peacemaking might just be the testimony that someone else needs to heal their relationships.

God doesn’t make mistakes in our story.