Lighthouse Keeper

Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand (Isaiah 53:10)

That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, Philippians 3:10 ESV

There’s a lot I love about Pastor Bill Johnson but his theology on suffering is not one of those things. 

The problem with deliverance ministry (name the bad spirit, cast it out) is that it places a lot of emphasis on the humans and not much on God. People in the church start saying woo woo stuff like “I wonder if that person has unconfessed sin” or “that person is under a generational curse”. This type of thinking absolves the other people in the church from making casseroles and walking alongside someone with addiction, mental health issues, or a busted human body part. 

So what’s my theology on suffering? Let me share a little testimony:

This day 11 years ago on 11 December 2014, my whole life changed. 

I was in Sydney interviewing for jobs so had time to go to the Hillsong women’s ministry (Sisterhood) in Danks Street. I got there early and sat in the cafe across the road reading the last chapters of the Book of Job. When nobody much turned up I went to the office and they told me the meeting was wound down for the Christmas season. I had time to spare so, even though it was drizzling rain, I walked back along Bourke Street towards Sydney Central train station. 

Twenty minutes later I was struck by a crashing taxi on the footpath and forced through a brick wall as my trapped left leg took the full force of the car bonnet.  I lay squashed on the busy pavement in the rain as a crowd gathered to take photos of me (it was two minutes walk from the NewsCorp head offices so all the journalists came out) and reassure me that the ambulance was on the way. The paramedics arrived and started singing Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” to me as I’d just been put through a brick wall.

The more serious lead paramedic said “We didn’t expect to see you alive let alone conscious…. I always put a body bag on board when I hear it’s a car versus pedestrian”.  I knew my leg and ankle were broken and my great fear was a broken back. They put me on a Pat-slide with a plastic collar and ran spinal checks before lifting me into the ambulance. My toes could wiggle. A good sign.  The attendants cut off my jeans and the serious lead man said he was going to run a line of morphine into my arm. A Christian (assuming Catholic) crucifix hung around his neck and dangled in my face. I asked him if he was Christian. He said “yes I am”. 

The ambulance took me to St Vincent’s hospital in King’s Cross. Famous in Australia for its emergency department I was blessed to only be 10 minutes from care. 

As I lay in the ED waiting to go in for an X-ray I could feel my mind collapsing. I had my whole life planned out with spread sheets and budgets and five year goals and apartments to live in. Going on a Book of Job journey down the path of suffering was not on my “To-Do” list. 

I’ll fast forward through the details but years of recovery followed. A knee to ankle titanium tibial nail was put in my leg and screws in my ankle. The impact of the taxi had caused a huge hematoma on the front of my leg and so all the skin had to be cut off because it was dead. Weeks of skin grafts, orthopaedics, physio, nurse visits for bandages. And then I had to learn to walk on-and eventually off-crutches. I had five surgeries on my leg in total. 

St Vincent’s hospital was founded by Catholic nuns and crucifixes hung all around the walls of the wards. 

So back to my theology on suffering. Job suffered. God is sovereign and good and Job still suffered. Paul suffered. The saints all suffered. Joseph suffered. Elijah suffered. But most importantly…

Jesus suffered. 

To swerve suffering is to swerve the path of Christ. Many do and I can almost tell within five minutes whether someone has looked their mortality in the face and realised how fragile and vulnerable we are as human beings. What is my theology on suffering? The crucifix.

Today, I just went for a one hour walk around the river to celebrate my still-attached (there was a 50% chance of amputation) leg and give thanks to God for all the people who were the hands and feet of Jesus to me when I needed it. Most importantly, I had my NIV Bible with me when I was hit and managed to keep it with me through all the surgeries and ward changes. Reading those Scriptures strengthened me and kept me centred as I knew that Jesus was there with me in my suffering. I have huge scars and chunks of leg missing but no limp and I can get around pretty good. I was reluctant to write about this on the anniversary but if you are suffering today, know that He is with you. It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad Christian or cursed or “not right with God”. 

He loves you and will be with you to the end of the age. His power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).